College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time drinking, sleeping and trying to get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas.
2. Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names usually end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life.
It's very difficult to forget everything. For example, when I was in college, I had to memorize -- don't ask me why -- the names of three metaphysical poets other than John Donne. I have managed to forget one of them, but I still remember that the other two were named Vaughan and Crashaw. Sometimes, when I'm trying to remember something important like whether my wife told me to get tuna packed in oil or tuna packed in water, Vaughan and Crashaw just pop up in my mind, right there in the supermarket. It's a terrible waste of brain cells.
After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers.
This means you must NOT major in mathematics, physics, biology, or chemistry, because these subjects involve actual facts. If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor will say: "Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail. The same is true of chemistry: if you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this.
So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology -- subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts.
I attended classes in all these subjects, so I'll give you a quick overview of each:
ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say that Moby Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in your paper, you say Moby Dick is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.
PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.
PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams. Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in psychology.
SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never once heard or read a coherent statement.
This is because sociologists want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code. If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they fall down. You should write: "Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that a casual relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory, or 'crying,' behavior forms." If you can keep this up for fifty or sixty pages, you will get large government grants.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Todays Turning Point by Dr. David Jeremiah
Friday, July 17
Avoiding Pain
Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call
on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22
Recommended Reading
1 Chronicles 4:9-10
Once there was a man who prayed that God would protect him from evil. His prayer was like the prayer Jesus taught His disciples except that he went further. He expressed a specific reason for wanting not to be led into temptation: "Oh, . . . that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" (1 Chronicles 4:10). The man was Jabez, an Old Testament saint who displayed mature wisdom in his prayer.
Whenever we yield to temptation or succumb to evil, we are not the only ones who are hurt. There is usually a friend, a spouse, a child, or some other person who is caused pain by our choice. Even if our choice to sin is purely internal, in the realm of our thoughts, we diminish our future impact on others by the loss of energy and spiritual vitality needed to deal with our sin. Therefore there are always three reasons not to sin: Pain to ourselves, pain to others, and pain to God. No parent likes to witness the failure of his or her children, and God certainly takes no pleasure when we fail.
When you pray, "Lead me not into temptation," keep Jabez's insight in mind: that you might not cause pain in anyone's life.
Each temptation leaves us better or worse; neutrality is impossible.
Erwin W. Lutzer
Read-Thru-the-Bible
Isaiah 5:1 - 8:22
Avoiding Pain
Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call
on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22
Recommended Reading
1 Chronicles 4:9-10
Once there was a man who prayed that God would protect him from evil. His prayer was like the prayer Jesus taught His disciples except that he went further. He expressed a specific reason for wanting not to be led into temptation: "Oh, . . . that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" (1 Chronicles 4:10). The man was Jabez, an Old Testament saint who displayed mature wisdom in his prayer.
Whenever we yield to temptation or succumb to evil, we are not the only ones who are hurt. There is usually a friend, a spouse, a child, or some other person who is caused pain by our choice. Even if our choice to sin is purely internal, in the realm of our thoughts, we diminish our future impact on others by the loss of energy and spiritual vitality needed to deal with our sin. Therefore there are always three reasons not to sin: Pain to ourselves, pain to others, and pain to God. No parent likes to witness the failure of his or her children, and God certainly takes no pleasure when we fail.
When you pray, "Lead me not into temptation," keep Jabez's insight in mind: that you might not cause pain in anyone's life.
Each temptation leaves us better or worse; neutrality is impossible.
Erwin W. Lutzer
Read-Thru-the-Bible
Isaiah 5:1 - 8:22
Todays Prayer
Today's prayer July 17, 2009 in the year of our Lord
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)
Good Morning Lord
Lord, Do other people see me as a faithful friend or a burdensome buddy? I pray that I will be the kind of person that other people love and appreciate; not a person that others want to avoid. And I pray that I will be a good friend to others. "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Help me today to improve my friendship skills...and to be an example of your love in all I do. Thank you, God. In Jesus' name I pray and give you praise, amen. <><
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God.
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7
13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)
Good Morning Lord
Lord, Do other people see me as a faithful friend or a burdensome buddy? I pray that I will be the kind of person that other people love and appreciate; not a person that others want to avoid. And I pray that I will be a good friend to others. "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Help me today to improve my friendship skills...and to be an example of your love in all I do. Thank you, God. In Jesus' name I pray and give you praise, amen. <><
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God.
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Todays Prayer June 30
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Romans 10:13
Good Morning Lord
Lord, you have told me, "Whoever hears my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him" (John 14:21). Lord, you have given your Word and I want to obey. Give me a thirst to know more of you and spend more time in your Word. I love you. Please "show yourself to me " today. I praise you for who you are. In Jesus' name, amen. <><
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God.
" All who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God." Romans 8:14
Good Morning Lord
Lord, you have told me, "Whoever hears my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him" (John 14:21). Lord, you have given your Word and I want to obey. Give me a thirst to know more of you and spend more time in your Word. I love you. Please "show yourself to me " today. I praise you for who you are. In Jesus' name, amen. <><
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God.
" All who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God." Romans 8:14
Todays Turning Point w/ David Jeremiah
Tuesday, June 30
“I Have Never Prayed”
In this manner, therefore, pray: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name…”
Matthew 6:9
Recommended Reading
Matthew 6:5-13
The late Methodist preacher, Charles A. Allen, once answered his doorbell to find a stranger on the stoop. “Something happened to me tonight that caused me to want to pray,” said the man. “But I have never prayed in my life and I do not know how. I don’t want you to pray for me—I want you to teach me how to pray for myself.”
What would we say to such a man?
Inviting the man in, Allan turned in the Bible to the Lord’s Prayer. He showed him how to kneel before an open Bible and to use this wonderful prayer as a pattern for telling God what was on his heart.
The Lord’s Prayer comprises just five verses and can be recited in less than a minute. Yet it contains all the essential elements of prevailing prayer: praise, priorities, provision, personal relationships, protection, and praise again. It begins with Our Father, ends with Amen, and touches every need in life. It can be committed to memory quickly, but it provides a lifetime of lessons for approaching the throne of grace.
The best way I know to learn to pray is to learn the Lord’s Prayer by heart.
Charles A. Allen
Read-Thru-the-Bible
Psalm 141:1 - 147:20
“I Have Never Prayed”
In this manner, therefore, pray: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name…”
Matthew 6:9
Recommended Reading
Matthew 6:5-13
The late Methodist preacher, Charles A. Allen, once answered his doorbell to find a stranger on the stoop. “Something happened to me tonight that caused me to want to pray,” said the man. “But I have never prayed in my life and I do not know how. I don’t want you to pray for me—I want you to teach me how to pray for myself.”
What would we say to such a man?
Inviting the man in, Allan turned in the Bible to the Lord’s Prayer. He showed him how to kneel before an open Bible and to use this wonderful prayer as a pattern for telling God what was on his heart.
The Lord’s Prayer comprises just five verses and can be recited in less than a minute. Yet it contains all the essential elements of prevailing prayer: praise, priorities, provision, personal relationships, protection, and praise again. It begins with Our Father, ends with Amen, and touches every need in life. It can be committed to memory quickly, but it provides a lifetime of lessons for approaching the throne of grace.
The best way I know to learn to pray is to learn the Lord’s Prayer by heart.
Charles A. Allen
Read-Thru-the-Bible
Psalm 141:1 - 147:20
Monday, June 29, 2009
Todays Turning Point w/ David Jeremiah
Monday, June 29
Choose This Day
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Galatians 5:16
Recommended Reading
Romans 13:13-14
Every child grows up learning to play the “Follow the Leader” game. Unknown to children, it’s really an instinctive tendency on the part of humans. As much as we might not like to admit it, we are all followers of something or someone.
As his logical, deductive mind did so often, the apostle Paul boiled down the “following” tendency into two major categories: We can follow the flesh (energized by Satan, the enemy of God) or we can follow the Spirit of God. To follow one means we are not following the other (for example, see Luke 16:13). And we are never in the “neutral” zone where we are not following one or the other. From the point in life at which we develop the conscious ability to make moral and spiritual choices, we are in a following mode. The “flesh,” in Paul’s terminology, is our natural (fallen) human instincts, oriented to self-serving and self-gratification. That’s what we follow if we are not following the leading of the Holy Spirit. The only way not to follow and carry out the desires of the flesh is to follow and carry out the desires of the Spirit.
Live in the choosing mode today, and choose wisely: Follow the Spirit of God.
The wisdom of the flesh is always exclaiming against the mysteries of God.
John Calvin
Read-Thru-the-Bible
Psalms 136:1 - 140:13
Choose This Day
I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Galatians 5:16
Recommended Reading
Romans 13:13-14
Every child grows up learning to play the “Follow the Leader” game. Unknown to children, it’s really an instinctive tendency on the part of humans. As much as we might not like to admit it, we are all followers of something or someone.
As his logical, deductive mind did so often, the apostle Paul boiled down the “following” tendency into two major categories: We can follow the flesh (energized by Satan, the enemy of God) or we can follow the Spirit of God. To follow one means we are not following the other (for example, see Luke 16:13). And we are never in the “neutral” zone where we are not following one or the other. From the point in life at which we develop the conscious ability to make moral and spiritual choices, we are in a following mode. The “flesh,” in Paul’s terminology, is our natural (fallen) human instincts, oriented to self-serving and self-gratification. That’s what we follow if we are not following the leading of the Holy Spirit. The only way not to follow and carry out the desires of the flesh is to follow and carry out the desires of the Spirit.
Live in the choosing mode today, and choose wisely: Follow the Spirit of God.
The wisdom of the flesh is always exclaiming against the mysteries of God.
John Calvin
Read-Thru-the-Bible
Psalms 136:1 - 140:13
Todays Prayer
Today's prayer June 29, 2009 in the year of our Lord
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7
Good Morning Lord
Dear Lord, You are great and greatly to be praised. Oh, how I wish that everyone would praise you and give you first priority in their lives. This world would be a better place...and individual lives would be so much better, so much happier. I am so burdened for those who or unemployed, underemployed, or not able to work. They try to exist on what little they have. Some of them receive help from charities and government programs; others scrape here and there to earn a little; others have nothing. I pray today that you will lift up these people. I pray that you will encourage them and guide them and show them the way. I pray that you will meet their EVERY need--whether for deliverance from sin, sickness, or something that holds them down--for a job or career and financial needs--for shelter--for medical care--for counseling--for friendship--whatever they truly need. For some there greatest need is to find a purpose and a feeling of worth. I pray that they will lift up their eyes to you, from whence comes their help and their salvation. Please have mercy and help them today. Please show me what I can do today to help them and enable me to do so. Please intervene. And may you receive all the glory and praise for great things you will do and are doing. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen. <><
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God.
" All who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God." Romans 8:14
But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7
Good Morning Lord
Dear Lord, You are great and greatly to be praised. Oh, how I wish that everyone would praise you and give you first priority in their lives. This world would be a better place...and individual lives would be so much better, so much happier. I am so burdened for those who or unemployed, underemployed, or not able to work. They try to exist on what little they have. Some of them receive help from charities and government programs; others scrape here and there to earn a little; others have nothing. I pray today that you will lift up these people. I pray that you will encourage them and guide them and show them the way. I pray that you will meet their EVERY need--whether for deliverance from sin, sickness, or something that holds them down--for a job or career and financial needs--for shelter--for medical care--for counseling--for friendship--whatever they truly need. For some there greatest need is to find a purpose and a feeling of worth. I pray that they will lift up their eyes to you, from whence comes their help and their salvation. Please have mercy and help them today. Please show me what I can do today to help them and enable me to do so. Please intervene. And may you receive all the glory and praise for great things you will do and are doing. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen. <><
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God.
" All who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God." Romans 8:14
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